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Belated Valentines

Saturday, 17 February 2018

Dress: Nobodys Child // Socks: Forever 21 // Bralet: Forever 21 // Necklace: H&M

My 19th year around the sun held a Valentines day filled with love for myself. A day to make ME feel good and tell myself 'You deserve all the love in the world as much as anyone else'. I've never shared a Valentines because lil Lucy Jane has never found what love really is,  but I don't see that as a bad thing. I don't wallow in a pit of self-pity as I emanate all my singleness, I get up and make the day about me because I have found love for myself. I pristinely paint on my make up because I want to look in mirror and adore my reflection. I slip on my prettiest red dress because I want to dance around aimlessly to my favourite songs and feel a million dollars. I wear a smile on my face because I want to continuously emit all the love I hold inside to everyone around me! 

2018 is the year of me. 
Regardless of sounding selfish, I want to put myself first because I should be the most important person in my life. I want to grow and develop into a version of me I cannot fault, one I will forever feel happy in and feel 100% proud of.  I want to be my own best friend, my own life coach, my own cheerleader and pour love into myself because I deserve it! Of course I care for everyone in my life and am so grateful to be surrounded by amazing people, but I think everyone needs to put themselves first sometimes. 

In the wise words of RuPaul...
'If you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?'

Lucy Jane 












# Charity Shop Bop - Vinyl + Sequins

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Charity Shop Bop is a series on my blog that promotes a different sense of fashion. The fashion industry is a huge financial provider, yet is also creating so much waste that it's effecting our planet. Every year we create over 80 billion articles of clothing which is a ridiculous amount to even fathom.  With 95% of it being recyclable and 100% being reusable, why let it become waste?
My Charity Shop Bops are here to show the limitless horizons of reworking second hand clothing and that it isn't all 'old lady' stuff! Shopping from charity shops is more sustainable, a lot cheaper and also allows you to contribute to a variety of charities at the same time!
So get #CharityShopBoppin and let me see what you find...

!!!EVERYTHING: CHARITY SHOP!!!

Is black and white still cool? I think so!
I am utterly obsessed with the fit, the pattern the EVERYTHING about this blazer. It was definitely a huge trend back in the Christmas party season last year, but I'm afraid I'm going to continue wearing it all through 2018! Pair it with some mom jeans, a loose tee, throw on some trainers and you've got yourself the perfect casual look. Work it with a sparkly bandeau, matching culottes and some vinyl boots and you've got yourself a smart, sophisticated vibe.
 A LOOK.
Bandeaus are a staple piece in my wardrobe right now, worn with anything high waisted they seem to flatter those lovely large hips of mine by bringing the focus to my waist. My heart almost shattered when I found this bandeau at a kilo sale as I'd only just bought one so similar from Miss Selfridge. I suppose the positive is that you can ALWAYS find high street replicas second hand. 
The culottes are a lot more structured than what I'd usually reach for, but I think I'm loving this mature look on me? Honestly, I'm sure these pants were £1 from my local Scope so how can I not be in love? 
Can you believe that I finally picked up a pair of second hand shoes?!?!?
I found these Zara perfectly fitting vinyl boots for £3.50, I was so happy. Although they have a few scratches and scuffs, with a little clean they shaped up nicely and I really can't complain. I love how the ankle grazing culottes contrast against the black vinyl boot as they hang loosely over them.
Now this wouldn't be A LOOK without my 50p 90s Y2K shades. I have no words for these glasses other than, they're iconic, they're a look and they're gonna be here for a while.

This Charity Shop Bop just proves how current the pieces you find in Charity Shops can be whilst still adding an essence of your own style. Bringing together second hand pieces gives them a new lease of life which is so much more exciting than the 'Jeans and a Nice top' Misguided feature.
(No shade if you love that, you do you and thats amazing! I just can't relate and want to try spread individuality and sustainability)
I hope I can open your eyes to the world of Charity Shopping and please tag me @lucysb_ on Instagram with #charityshopbop if you discover any pieces!
Get Charity Shop Bopping

Lucy Jane







My Disease: 2018 - New year, New drugs

Saturday, 10 February 2018


My disease is Ulcerative Colitis and it is going to be mine forever! 
The time feels right to start raising awareness and sharing my story because my disease is not  going anywhere, and it certainly is not going to beat me. Please don't let the title of 'My disease' scare you off because I want these posts to be knowledgable, helpful and informative. Having a chronic disease has become part of daily life to me, I want to write these posts to share my experiences and not feel isolated throughout.
Hi! Hello! How are you?
It's been a while since I sat down and wrote a post about my disease because honestly, I was sick of talking about it! My last post was back in November, which feels like a life time ago. I addressed the mental struggles the disease brings and the feedback I got from that post was AMAZING! It made me realise that I am not alone and I hope it resonated with others making them feel the same. 

In November 2017 I was under the impression that the IV infusions of Infliximab were reducing inflammation and therefore, putting me in remission. I'd had a colonoscopy done at the end of September and the results were great, my colon wasn't on fire!
 October and November are a bit of blur, I was telling myself this...
 'Lucy, they've told you things have got better, you are getting better, try to get back to normal now'.
Even though hearing good news brought hope, I knew that my body wasn't well and my symptoms were still there. Mentally I was battling with myself. I thought I was stupid because I should've been feeling better, instead I was feeling worse. Days went by, I was put on various enemas and nothing seemed right.

On November 22nd I went for a check up appointment which was when I realised I wasn't so stupid. I had been putting up with my symptoms as I thought Infliximab was making me better, but it wasn't. Before my last infusion I'd had a blood test to measure my trough levels which are the levels that tell you how much of the drug is in your body.  My readings came back and my body had 0.4 of the drug in it when levels should be between 3 and 7, so pretty much no drug. I'd developed anti-bodies which attack the drug, they fight it off before it can do its job. Unfortunately it can happen whilst on biologics, but for most people they get a few months or years of successful remission before anti-bodies develop. 
I was just the unlucky one!
Part of me was relieved because I wasn't being stupid,  my disease was genuinely getting worse rather than better, but then the other part of me was absolutely devastated. This drug had been my potential life-saver since August  and to realise it isn't working was a huge knock back for me. 
I'm going to be very honest and say from this point till the new year, I really did give up. Hearing such rubbish news made me angry, upset, worried, all the emotions and I didn't know how to motivate myself to pull myself back from this fall. 
I wrote these during the time...

'You feel positive and then you get knocked down and its not fair because this is my life its effecting. It isn't just a pretend reality its real and I'm hurting and want nothing more than to be better. Its crushing me and my family and I don't want it to do that anymore. I want real happiness. I've suffered all through 2017 and I'm going to enter 2018 the same way. You try so hard and you keep strong and sometimes you just can't. Things are never easy for me and I know I can't give up but I wish I could.'

I have bundles of journal entries from November to January where I admit defeat. I'm not proud of feeling like that but I did and I couldn't help it. 
(A journal entry)

Medically, I was introduced to the next stage of treatment options as with Ulcerative Colitis it's a case of exhausting all options until you either find one that works or require surgery. 
My options were Humira, Golimumab or to participate in a drugs trial.  Now these may sound like foreign words to you but I'll try to explain. Humira (medically known as adalimumab) is a self administrated drug which comes in injection pens to be taken every two weeks. Golimumab is the same process, however its less widely used and only taken every 4 weeks. They're both biologic drugs which target the protein TNF-Alpha to reduce the amount in your body as this causes inflammation. They work the same way as Infliximab, however may have a better success rate for different individuals. Whilst discussions were going on, I was put on Budesonide steroid enemas (yep, steroids again!) in order to keep me going for the next few weeks. The 4 week course did keep me going and acted as a slight quick fix. Although I wasn't feeling 100% I had a bit more control than before but with steroids, it never lasts long.
(Petting some horses on one of my good days, I miss animals :( )

By December we'd decided that Humira was the next step for me. I was due to start Humira before Christmas as my supply of steroid enemas finished on 22nd December so I was in need of treatment. The plan was to limit the time between finishing steroids and starting Humira as if left too long, my colon would start raging again. Unfortunately, this ended up happening. 
Taking Humira involves quite a lot of people, theres the suppliers, the deliverers and doctors. Due to it being Christmas the quickest I could start Humira was 2nd January, which meant 10 days without any treatment. I wasn't too worried as I thought 'I'll just relax, take things slow and it will be here in no time'.
However, the week between Christmas and New Year was probably the worst week of 2017 in regards to my disease. My colon had no drugs treating it, I was eating so much heavy food (it's Christmas, I had to!) and my body just went to pieces. I was bed bound most days after Christmas, wasn't eating, running to the loo over 15 times a day and feeling so SO weak. Over Christmas I nearly lost a stone all from 5 days of a huge flare, it was the worst I'd felt all year.
So you're probably asking 'Why didn't you go to A&E? Why didn't you get to hospital?' honestly, I probably should've but in my head I knew that there was new treatment on the horizon. If I could make it through until I received my Humira then things might start getting better. I managed to get a 2 week course of the steroid enemas again and they made the wait until 2nd January a lot easier. 

Time for the slightly brighter, positive stuff!!!
On 2nd January a nurse came to my house to teach me how to self-inject and give me my loading dose. of Humira. Honestly I was terrified of self injecting even though I'm fine with needles but after one go, I realised how easy and painless it is. If anyone hates needles and is anxious to self-inject, I urge you to do it as its so much easier than going in for injections! 
(Injection time)

So that was 5 weeks ago and now life is a waiting game. My experience with Humira up to this point has been fairly positive with a few blips. For the first 3/4 weeks my health improved a lot, I was only going to the toilet about 3 times in a morning which for me was amazing! It made it easier to go out and get things done as I wasn't as stressed about needing a toilet there at all times. My energy levels still weren't high but I was living off the buzz because I felt like I was feeling normal again. There were a few blips during those weeks, but overall everything felt like it was on the up. 
For around the past week/10 days things haven't felt as wonderful. Towards the end of my last two week dosage period, my toilet trips became a lot more frequent, painful and bloody. I told myself not to worry as my injection was due in a few days so things would settle down. 
I last injected on Tuesday 30th January and things did improve but not quite as much as before. 

Right now its Saturday 10th February and this is how I'm feeling...
For around the first 4 hours of the day I am on the toilet frequently, loosing blood and being in 'discomfort'(pain) for a while afterwards. If I get up and want to go anywhere, I am automatically anxious as I'm still not in control of my bowel movements and when I'm anxious, it triggers the urge to go. My mental health fluctuates from day to day as I know I won't be stable till I'm physically stable. I'm trying to keep a very healthy diet and regular exercise as I know this will do nothing but good for my disease. The side effects I've encountered are feeling sick, feeling like you have a cold, dizziness when I stand, headaches and the last week have noticed that my hair is coming out a lot more than it used to. It isn't falling out in large clumps, I've just noticed a lot more of hair about than normal when I'm showering or brushing it. When I think about all the side effects it is quite scary, I am thankful for these amazing drugs that could help me reach remission but at the same time all drugs react different in each individual and its hard to pin point how its exactly effecting you. I feel as if things will improve with this drug but I'm impatient and want it to work now. 

At this moment my life feels like its depending on how I feel tomorrow as from one day to the next, I don't know how I will be. Things are still scary but I have to tell myself things are still very fresh. It's nearly been a year since my battle with Colitis began and in the grand scheme of things, its such a short time. The future isn't in my control right now so I'm learning to stop worrying over it, by prioritising everything within my control life feels slightly more 'normal'. 
I am hopeful that 2018 will be the year I get some normality back and finally reach remission!

Lucy Jane

Is pink my new red?

Monday, 5 February 2018

Roll Neck: Vintage // Jumper: New Look // Pants: Miss Selfridge // Coat: Charity // Boots: Docs // Necklace: Forever 21

The big question that has been looming over me recently, is pink the new red?
Last year, red was such a big colour in the world of fashion. It dominated all the high street stores for a good portion of the year with my Instagram feed basically turning red!
 Being someone who already loved red, I fully embraced the return of red and accumulated countless red pieces which will stay with me forever. 
But...
Recently I've been turning away from the red items and verging towards the pinks (even though I write this as I'm sat in a red hoody, makes no sense). It gets to this time of year and everyone is ultimately done with the dull, dreary darkness this season brings. We want something bright, energetic and vibrant to pull us back into the swing of things and going pink is my answer!
In regards to upcoming trends, lilacs and violets are the next big colour coming into style but you've still got to do your own thing. Trends come in to take inspiration from, not to copy, so look at the colour palettes, patterns or shapes and create you're own version!

This little look is definitely cozy and comfy, a necessity for me these days. I began by layering a few pink pieces all varying in tones, styles and textures. I adore layering roll necks under round neck jumpers as it adds a contrast to the look, along with keeping me very warm. My New Look fluffy jumper has kept me going throughout this winter as it feels so snuggly to wear and every time I've worn it, I've received a compliment!
My favourite piece of this outfit is my pink teddy bear coat which I picked up for £5 from a Charity Shop last year. It baffles me that Topshop started selling a coat almost identical to mine, charging £69! This is why I urge you all to start Charity Shopping and let me know what you find!
To compliment all the pink tones on top, I popped on my favourite striped wide pants. I bought these pants around November time and they've definitely been my most worn piece this winter! They're so flattering yet so comfy and if I could, I'd be wearing them every single day!

To conclude my question, I'm not quite sure that pink will be the new red, it may just be a close second.
This year I want to experiment more with colour, shape and texture, branch out and try new things!
Find my new red...

Lucy Jane








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