When I grow up...

Saturday, 10 March 2018

Top: Charity Shop // Pants: Nasty Gal // Shoes: Asos // Bag: Charity Shop // Necklaces: H&M

When I grow up I want to be a dreamer, dream big and make it happen.
When I grow up I want to be a thinker, think deeply and make a change.
When I grow up I wanted to be a fighter, fight for my body, my mind, my rights and live fearlessly.
But when do I actually grow up?

I'm approaching my 19th birthday and my life is the complete opposite of how I'd imagined it would be. I'll be 19 living at home, unemployed and not really certain about what the future holds. The future was always something I thought I could control, before being ill I knew exactly what my future held; I was moving to London, starting the degree of my dreams and going to excel at living the life I'd dreamed of! I didn't even consider taking time out between college and University because this was my 'When I grow up' plan and it seemed pretty fool proof. However, my plan never accounted for the 'What ifs' because I'd become so confident in following my dreams that in my mind, nothing would ever go wrong. Well let me tell you, life did go wrong and heres what I've learnt...

Life was never made to be easy, life will never be a fool proof plan and life is one big journey with NO definitive pathways. 9 months after finishing college and embarking on my 'Year of getting better'   I've definitely had a lot of time to consider my past an future decisions. The main thing I've come to terms is that the opportunity for education isn't going anywhere, starting College or University courses will always be an option for the rest of my life. No matter how old I get, I'll always have the ability to learn so why do we push ourselves into finding specific subjects at such a young age? 
I admit that a year ago I was adamant on going straight to University after College, but now I wish Schools and Colleges showed a more relaxed approach into going to University. Having one, two or ten years away from education doesn't make you any less equipped to learn and I think Schools and Colleges such advocate that. The structure education follows doesn't really leave room for learning about yourself and I believe in order to know what you want, you need to know who you are. 
Why are we all in such a hurry to be successful in societies eyes?
Can't we just live a little freely first?  

Personally, I think 'growing up' is something you can't plan to happen, it will just happen. I've learnt that you can't determine what will happen in the future, so let the the uncontrollable thoughts fade away and live for what you have today. You can't put a deadline or time limit on achieving a goal so don't hurry your life along. Things happen differently for everybody and you have to accept that people will always be at different stages of life because we aren't all the same!
When I grow up may in 10 years time, when you grow up may be next month, no matter what age life is always there to utilise in a way that benefits you. 

What this post is trying to say is that my options were accidentally opened to me and I'm thankful that they were. Although I spent months resenting the fact I couldn't go to Uni, I'm now thankful of this time and may even have another year out who knows...
I no longer feel obliged to meet expectations because my life is that unpredictable I can't plan tomorrow let alone next year!

When I grow up will be when I know who I am and live confidently and vibrantly in that body.
When will you grow up? 

Lucy Jane


  1. Love the pants, it look so cool on you! x


  2. I absolutely love this post Lucy! The pics are so coordinated and I adore the effect, you look so good!! I FEEL YOU on the timeline of life, I got myself so worked up when deciding to take a year out and then I realised, why do I have to experience it all in a clockwork motion? I have, like you, learned so much about myself this year and so many things that I think will equip me to tackle 'growing up' so much better, and whilst I am going to uni in september, I don't doubt that another year, or another decade, before continuing my education wouldn't enrich and educate me in so many ways. Whilst this life/year/stage might not have been what you dreamed of, you really seem to be embracing it, accepting it for what it is and allowing it to teach (and not dominate) you – its so warming and refreshing to see! Also, what does 'growing up' really mean? Is it really a final destination? who knows... x

    1. Exactly!!! I love your comments Katie because you genuinely get my posts and comment in depth that is so refreshing to see! It's all so overwhelming when you're faced with the decisions whilst at school but I wish it was more casual and educated to take a different path. That's so lovely to hear, who really knows, I doubt I'll ever grow up!x

  3. So much yes to those polka dot pants! Loving the look and the words you wrote here. So important :)

    Enclothed Cognition

  4. Love the entire look ! Thanks for sharing!

  5. I absolutely love this post Lucy! I used to think it was so scary to grow up. When I turned 21 I was so scared that I had not accomplished that much, but it all has to do because I'm still in uni. I am really trying to worry less about the future and also try to not set deadlines on future goals I have. I always used to focus on all the negatives in my life. 'Growing up' to me has definitely helped me be less of a negative Nancy. Definitely also loving this outfit! How gorgeous are those trousers on you, you babe! xx

    1. Life works out so differently for everyone and I think it's important to remember that! Thanks so much Laura!x

  6. these pants are so rad!


  7. Such a cute outfit! Love the pants!
    Mademoiselle Coconath

  8. I bloody loved reading this! I haven't been 'working' or in education as such for nearly three years now due to health reasons, other than earning a small income from writing my blog. I always beat myself up for not doing what everyone else is doing and not doing what I had always planned to, but life gets in the way sometimes and takes you down a different path! Thanks for making me feel less alone in this situation xx

    Lauren | itslaurenvictoria.blogspot.co.uk

    1. Exactly, we just have to take life as it comes and not put any pressure on ourselves because things can be so unpredictable. Wishing you all the best with your health and know you're never alone, I'm always here for a chat!x

  9. These pants are so amazing!! You look so pretty
    Mónica Sors

  10. I think we put a timeframe on things too much, we always have the idea of a certain structure engrained in our minds like you get your GCSEs, progress to college and get your A-levels and then move onto uni where you'll spend another 3 years then graduate and get a job. I think the idea of fluidity is too daunting because it means that we will not be spoon-fed our next steps. The steps I mentioned above are what I personally saw as the logical way to approach life and now, in the midst of my final year at sixth form, I've realised that education does not have a timeline. You can go to university at any time in your life, and do whatever else you want whenever but the mainstream belief that this is unheard of really does install anxiety about the whole ordeal. I love your bit on "no matter what age life is always there to utilise in a way that benefits you" because it's so true. Oh gosh, this comment is super long. on a lighter note I love your outfit and the photos in this haha. I hope you're doing well <3

    Dalal // monochromedaisies.blogspot.com

    1. Aww thanks so much for this comment, I agree! I had the logical approach as well before things changed but having experienced it, I wish people had told me the what ifs about having a year or two out. Thanks so much!

  11. I do agree with you when you say that life is unpredictable and it doesn't necessary follow that path that we thought it would have done. Taking your time and making your choices is really important. Regarding education, since I'm a bit older I can tell you that is better to go to school as soon as possible. If you decide to not go to college that is ok, it's a choice. But if you want to go and you are just postponing than I recommended to go back asap. Time flies so fast that what you think it might be a couple of year of break can turn in 10 years and in that case would be so hard to go back to school! In anywise, whatever is the choice you make in life be sure it's what makes you happy! xx

    1. Yee I see what you're saying but as a postponed due to health, I don't really have much control over when I'll be ready to go. I think everyones path in life is completely different so what works for you may not work for me but that's life!

  12. I agree with everything you say here, especially about college/school making out that we only have a set time to 'learn' during life. I hope you n your health are doing better at the moment, paths are overrated anyway! 'take a walk on the wild side' is where it's at. Also btw as always so jealous of this look!x



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