And that's what happened to me...

Wednesday, 11 December 2019





When you want something so so badly that it almost feels impossible to reach, you'll fight and fight to get it and when the whole world finally feels like it's in your hands, you realise you just can't carry it.
That's what happened to me. 
17 year old Lucy dreamed of moving to London to be a fashion student so 20 year old Lucy thought she'd live that dream but what she didn't realise is her life had majorly changed.

Helloooooo everyone, it's been a long time since I've posted but I felt like right now I need the space to breathe on my blog to get my head around life because life is harder than I thought.  I've been through a lot more than most 20 year olds have so I think I can justify myself in saying 'My life is hard' but I'm also not sat here wanting pity. The last 3 years have tested me from living with Ulcerative Colitis to having life changing surgery, I can't really comprehend everything that was thrown at me.
 I'd decided that the life I'd put on pause 3 years ago I was going to hit play on again without even considering the fact a lot has changed and I had changed.

In September I moved to University in London, I was finally fulfilling this goal of my mine that I'd always wanted to achieve and I was ready to run at life full speed, or so I thought. It'd been so highly anticipated for me through the past 3 years, I had this incredible vision of creativity, excitement and finally having the buzz for life that I'd forgotten.
But the reality of it just wasn't what I'd expected.

The way I like to describe what happened is I arrived at University feeling like the shiniest, most confident diamond of the bunch and I left feeling scratched, bruised and slightly broken.
My time at University left me on my own a lot and it was the first time in a long time I've had to sit and deal with myself, on my own, no support nearby. Having so much  time to think lead to overthinking and my mindset on life completely turned upside down.  Throughout my journey with Ulcerative Colitis, I dealt with mental health issues and I will honestly say they were some of the hardest hurdles to overcome so when things started changing I was terrified.
To the outside world I was still this shining diamond but inside, I didn't feel like it.
So I left.

Of course there are other reasons that the whole world doesn't need to know but the main reason was I didn't feel happy and when you've experienced life the way I have, you don't take happiness for granted. May be if I hadn't have been ill, I'd have gone at 18 and adored everything about the place but that didn't happen and what's the point in dwelling on it?

Right now I don't really know where my life is going but honestly, who actually does!?!?!
I'm surrounded by people I love, I'm working somewhere I enjoy and I am slowly getting back my sparkle for life!

My advice would be this...
Think about all the aspects of your life right now and weigh up the impact it's having on you, if the impacts are heavily negative then don't be afraid to make a change.
I have dreams and I have goals but I am in no rush to get there, all I want to do is be happy, be healthy and stay shining!

Lucy Jane

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